Friday, November 28, 2003
As a smoker struggles to break the undeniable control of the nicotine slave driver, so too had I received a major fall in my fight to beat stuttering. The almost frozen state of life induced by stuttering creating the emotional and mental anguish from processes of talking for this quiet stutter.
I will publicly admit I have not written in a coons age because I had nothing to record except from hiding under one rock to another. I had stop talking on the phone...And for awhile retreated away from instituting conversations, that I found to be so much fun. I had hit the wall...Fell victim to a pity party, of looking down on myself, for that is what I have became accustomed too.
The stuttering blockage, my slave master had won a few battles, making a few days really tough. And now that I am aware of the power I was giving to the negative thoughts and pushing myself once again to talk, my confidence level is increasing. Except now it seems with an increase confidence, I make mistakes on the other wise, talking when I should remain silent. I guess one just can't win, but I guess that is what life is about, not to let mistakes stop you but learn and move on.
And one more thing, like I am standing in a public hearing, I would like to apologize for a few earlier comments, I was speaking out of anger and frustration and they were completely and totally uncalled for. So with that I apologize and on top of working to stop stuttering, I attempt to watch my thoughts more closely and not allow them to hurt anyone else any more.
Just like the terminator I am back, and going to kick this stuttering, and reach perfection one day. With each bump along the way, I will make minor and sometimes major adjustments. But the goal remains the same...To be perfect.
And I will update more later
I will publicly admit I have not written in a coons age because I had nothing to record except from hiding under one rock to another. I had stop talking on the phone...And for awhile retreated away from instituting conversations, that I found to be so much fun. I had hit the wall...Fell victim to a pity party, of looking down on myself, for that is what I have became accustomed too.
The stuttering blockage, my slave master had won a few battles, making a few days really tough. And now that I am aware of the power I was giving to the negative thoughts and pushing myself once again to talk, my confidence level is increasing. Except now it seems with an increase confidence, I make mistakes on the other wise, talking when I should remain silent. I guess one just can't win, but I guess that is what life is about, not to let mistakes stop you but learn and move on.
And one more thing, like I am standing in a public hearing, I would like to apologize for a few earlier comments, I was speaking out of anger and frustration and they were completely and totally uncalled for. So with that I apologize and on top of working to stop stuttering, I attempt to watch my thoughts more closely and not allow them to hurt anyone else any more.
Just like the terminator I am back, and going to kick this stuttering, and reach perfection one day. With each bump along the way, I will make minor and sometimes major adjustments. But the goal remains the same...To be perfect.
And I will update more later
